HUSBAND SNATCHING
The word 'snatch' naturally calls to mind a non-living thing. We imagine that something was snatched, grabbed suddenly:and that something could not possibly keep itself from being snatched, because anyway it's a non-living thing. Thus, whether that thing is snatched or not depends on the owner of the thing or the thief. Not the thing itself. Note that I have been talking about something and not someone.
But my society has told me time and time again that people can be snatched.....by people like themselves. And no, we ain't talking about kidnapping o. In this instance, women are the snatchers and the men the 'snatched'.
Well, I do not buy this nonsense now, and I NEVER will.
Before I go on, let me share my observation on something curious. I have NEVER heard of' wife-snatcher' before. Only husband-snatcher. And it's strange. Very strange. Because e be like say na only husband be 'thing'.
Ehen, Lerrus contunu. You see, I hate that husband-snatcher word because its heavy with irresponsibility. It sends the false message that the man was taken against his will. He was only a helpless, innocent prey. He was on his own Jeje and she just came and carried him and put in her pocket. Nonsense!
This husband-snatcher thing is an offshoot of that 'the woman builds her home' mentality (see my blog post titled 'Adam where are you?' for more details).
It has its roots in our society's efforts to shield the male from taking responsibility for his actions.
It also has its roots in society's double standard.
I remember walking into a place. Two women were talking about a lady whose husband ran off with another woman whom he married. The woman he ran off with was a member of their church. They attended the same house fellowship. As the women talked, one of them remarked, 'so that woman has been eyeing that man since' and her companion nodded in agreement.
I felt disgust. I wondered why the women never wondered whether the philandering husband had been 'eyeing' that lady. I hated that they made him out to be a prey, and his partner in crime, the predator.
I have often wondered why it's easier for people, both men and women, to solely blame the woman sleeping with another man's husband and leave the man free of blame. What happened to holding both parties EQUALLY responsible for their actions?
Why doesn't it occur to people that the man could have lied about his marital status (sometimes)?
Why do we pretend like Oga wasn't doing the chasing?
Why doesn't it occur to these wives that the fellow who vowed commitment to them is chiefly to blame for his actions?
I feel disgust at women who go to fight their husband's girlfriends. Yes I do, whether the lady knew Oga was married or not. Whatever happened to fighting with Oga, if she must? Whatever happened to her holding him responsible for breaking his own marriage vows to her?
I guess the reason is denial. Deliberately refusing to face the painful fact. The fact that Oga DELIBERATELY had sex with another woman. Deliberately broke his marriage vows to her. It will help her sleep better at night thinking that Oga was 'stolen or seduced'. He did not know what he was doing.
Somebody will tell me that these men are 'jazzed'. The truth is that is most often untrue. And even in cases where diabolical power was used, I have found out that Oga started things. Usually Oga makes the move on the lady. They have sex a couple of times and the relationship goes on. The lady then decides not to let this catch slip away and so she tries to consolidate her position with diabolical powers. But one thing is clear. OGA STARTED CHEATING ON HIS OWN. WITHOUT ANY OUTSIDE INFLUENCE. He broke the hedge. He created the way for Satan to ensnare him further.
No wonder the Bible says that he who breaks the hedge, the serpent will bite.
See, we all know the truth. We have wills. We can choose. We know when we deliberately tamper with sin.
Oga, no matter what you have told people, you KNOW THE TRUTH. You know you were not a prey. You know it.
Madam fighting that lady, fighting that housemaid whom your husband is likely forcefully having sex with or even having consensual sex, I know that deep down inside, you know the truth, that Oga was not a prey. But of course it's better for you if you think he was 'pocketed'.
I have marveled at people who have tried so hard to defend the idea that the man is a mere non-living thing in this case. The same people who will shout till they are hoarse that the man is master of his house and should make decisions in his house. A non-living thing, without a will make decisions? How sef? A helpless baby decide? Hian! If you are one of them, be ashamed and stop.
Abeg, husband, respect your vows to your spouse. If you were called a non-living thing, a robot, a helpless baby, I know you would be insulted. So why do you cherish the demeaning title now just because it helps shield you from taking responsibility for your actions? You are not a thing that can be snatched, and you know it. But if you think that your Fidelity to your wife will be determined by whether no Babe bats her eyes at you, then no vex if you are graced with the 'lifeless object' title in your house.
Wife, Hold your husband accountable for his actions and stop assaulting others.
A philanderer is a philanderer, no matter what you do for him or what you are.
Do whatever you do for hubby because you love him and want to make your marriage work. But know that you CANNOT keep him if he DOESN'T WANT TO BE KEPT . No human being has that power over another. Everyone is responsible for his or her own actions.
Don't let ANYONE make you feel you are responsible for a cheating husband's actions in anyway. Don't!
But my society has told me time and time again that people can be snatched.....by people like themselves. And no, we ain't talking about kidnapping o. In this instance, women are the snatchers and the men the 'snatched'.
Well, I do not buy this nonsense now, and I NEVER will.
Before I go on, let me share my observation on something curious. I have NEVER heard of' wife-snatcher' before. Only husband-snatcher. And it's strange. Very strange. Because e be like say na only husband be 'thing'.
Ehen, Lerrus contunu. You see, I hate that husband-snatcher word because its heavy with irresponsibility. It sends the false message that the man was taken against his will. He was only a helpless, innocent prey. He was on his own Jeje and she just came and carried him and put in her pocket. Nonsense!
This husband-snatcher thing is an offshoot of that 'the woman builds her home' mentality (see my blog post titled 'Adam where are you?' for more details).
It has its roots in our society's efforts to shield the male from taking responsibility for his actions.
It also has its roots in society's double standard.
I remember walking into a place. Two women were talking about a lady whose husband ran off with another woman whom he married. The woman he ran off with was a member of their church. They attended the same house fellowship. As the women talked, one of them remarked, 'so that woman has been eyeing that man since' and her companion nodded in agreement.
I felt disgust. I wondered why the women never wondered whether the philandering husband had been 'eyeing' that lady. I hated that they made him out to be a prey, and his partner in crime, the predator.
I have often wondered why it's easier for people, both men and women, to solely blame the woman sleeping with another man's husband and leave the man free of blame. What happened to holding both parties EQUALLY responsible for their actions?
Why doesn't it occur to people that the man could have lied about his marital status (sometimes)?
Why do we pretend like Oga wasn't doing the chasing?
Why doesn't it occur to these wives that the fellow who vowed commitment to them is chiefly to blame for his actions?
I feel disgust at women who go to fight their husband's girlfriends. Yes I do, whether the lady knew Oga was married or not. Whatever happened to fighting with Oga, if she must? Whatever happened to her holding him responsible for breaking his own marriage vows to her?
I guess the reason is denial. Deliberately refusing to face the painful fact. The fact that Oga DELIBERATELY had sex with another woman. Deliberately broke his marriage vows to her. It will help her sleep better at night thinking that Oga was 'stolen or seduced'. He did not know what he was doing.
Somebody will tell me that these men are 'jazzed'. The truth is that is most often untrue. And even in cases where diabolical power was used, I have found out that Oga started things. Usually Oga makes the move on the lady. They have sex a couple of times and the relationship goes on. The lady then decides not to let this catch slip away and so she tries to consolidate her position with diabolical powers. But one thing is clear. OGA STARTED CHEATING ON HIS OWN. WITHOUT ANY OUTSIDE INFLUENCE. He broke the hedge. He created the way for Satan to ensnare him further.
No wonder the Bible says that he who breaks the hedge, the serpent will bite.
See, we all know the truth. We have wills. We can choose. We know when we deliberately tamper with sin.
Oga, no matter what you have told people, you KNOW THE TRUTH. You know you were not a prey. You know it.
Madam fighting that lady, fighting that housemaid whom your husband is likely forcefully having sex with or even having consensual sex, I know that deep down inside, you know the truth, that Oga was not a prey. But of course it's better for you if you think he was 'pocketed'.
I have marveled at people who have tried so hard to defend the idea that the man is a mere non-living thing in this case. The same people who will shout till they are hoarse that the man is master of his house and should make decisions in his house. A non-living thing, without a will make decisions? How sef? A helpless baby decide? Hian! If you are one of them, be ashamed and stop.
Abeg, husband, respect your vows to your spouse. If you were called a non-living thing, a robot, a helpless baby, I know you would be insulted. So why do you cherish the demeaning title now just because it helps shield you from taking responsibility for your actions? You are not a thing that can be snatched, and you know it. But if you think that your Fidelity to your wife will be determined by whether no Babe bats her eyes at you, then no vex if you are graced with the 'lifeless object' title in your house.
Wife, Hold your husband accountable for his actions and stop assaulting others.
A philanderer is a philanderer, no matter what you do for him or what you are.
Do whatever you do for hubby because you love him and want to make your marriage work. But know that you CANNOT keep him if he DOESN'T WANT TO BE KEPT . No human being has that power over another. Everyone is responsible for his or her own actions.
Don't let ANYONE make you feel you are responsible for a cheating husband's actions in anyway. Don't!
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