MADAM VICTIM

Some days ago I read a story on a Facebook friend's wall about a woman who under pressure from her mother married a very wealthy man, thus abandoning her boyfriend, whom she loved but was poor. In the story, the woman is portrayed as trapped in a loveless marriage. Her husband's very touch makes her skin crawl. He is not like her handsome, tall and lean boyfriend. She even feels disgust at his pet name for her.

Many sympathized with the 'trapped' woman as a victim of a loveless marriage.

I on the other hand, hated her. No, I HATE her. Others think she is a victim. I think the real victim in that story is her husband. I saw a man who loved his wife so much he wanted to please her. He loved her enough to marry her. I saw a man trapped in a marriage with a woman who merely saw him as a tool for financial salvation, not a human being who has a right to love and be loved and thus would be unable to reciprocate his love: trapped with a woman in whose eyes he would never measure up, never be enough, because her heart was some where else. Trapped with a useless coward who could not stand for the love she claimed she believed in.

Come to think of it, I don't even think she deserved her ex-boyfriend. The guy should be thanking God such a woman is out of his life.

Ehen, back to the present.

See, I know we are naturally selfish people so we often need a reminder that life is not all about us and what we want. Love isn't all about us either. The other party has a right to be loved just like you do.
It's cruel to use people. People are PEOPLE, not tools. If you know you do not love or do not see a possibility of loving that girl or especially guy who is in love with you and wants to be with you for life, please, SAY NO. Don't say 'yes' because of 'other things' you can get from the fellow. Saying no will be the kindest thing to do. You would be setting them free to find someone else who would cherish them as they deserve, instead of subjecting them and yourself, but especially them, to a life of misery. I have had to turn down some proposals from good guys, because I knew I could never love them as they deserve, no matter what they do for me and I would hate myself for cheating them, and hate him because I feel trapped (never mind that the trap is of my own making).

Abeg, if you are with someone you don't love but loves you so much, but you don't want to leave because of other fringe benefits they give you, set the fella free for someone who deserves them. That will be the one good, selfless thing you have done in that relationship.

On the flip side, if someone says no to you, don't take it too bad. It could mean they see your worth as a human being and thus value you too much to cause you pain, thus they honestly say no. You deserve to be with someone who wants you.

#LoveIsAmutualright