WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

This week has been really hectic for me, with all the preparations we've been making for my sister's wedding. In the past three days this week, I have seen more wedding gowns than I have seen throughout my entire life, with different styles : strapless and otherwise. And even different colors. And Yetunde, my crazy older sister has 'made up her mind' so many times about which of these gowns she intends to sew for her wedding that I have often felt like biting her.

Well, she made up her mind for the last time this morning. We just came back from the tailor's place. (I just hope she doesn't make up her mind again and decide to go back to her unfortunate tailor tomorrow morning).

After having my bath for the second time today (thanks to the hot sun), I relax on my bed and grab my phone, and log on to Facebook. My timeline is flooded with pre-wedding photoshoots of former course mates, friends, church members and some others I do not know outside Facebook. I guess all these proves that Decembers are specially for weddings.

I comment on Anita's pre-wedding post, 'congrats Babe, and may God bless your home'. Anita was my coursemate in the University of Lagos where I studied Mass communication. After about 5 minutes, I get a reply from her and two other former course mates of mine who got married last year. Anita says, 'thanks Deola. Hurry up make we sef come chop rice too'. Sarah, one of the others says, 'Yes o, Babe na your turn'. I smile and type, 'I don hear una'.

Just this morning, during breakfast which I prepared, my mother remarked, 'Deola, my expert cook, abeg hurry up so someone special enjoys your culinary skills o' with a wink at me. I smiled and continued to eat.

Marriage. The big M word. I have been wondering for a while now what the excitement about marriage is all about.

I remember all those romance novels I read in secondary school. Virtually all of them ended with the main characters getting married.

In the movies, the end of the love story was and still is marriage.

But in real life, I have discovered that marriage is only a beginning, which sadly comes to an end for some people, courtesy of a divorce or the death of a spouse. While the journey continues for some other people.

I wondered aloud (in my mom's hearing) two years ago about the M word. What was so special about it? Mom said it was for companionship, at which I cut in, 'but I have friends and family from whom I get that'. Mom looked at me like I was crazy as I went on: 'if it's about having someone to take care of my needs, I have a job, and daddy's been helping me big time.... Mom cut in at this point,'what about children? I smiled and told her that that would be the one unique thing about Marrying for me...... Experiencing Sex. As I don't believe in premarital Sex. And of course I would like the fruits of the act to grow up within a home. Old fashioned me, I hear someone say.

I look at alot of married folks on their wedding day. Smiling. I smile too for them. A wedding ceremony is an occasion for joy. And once in a while, I imagine I am dressed in the bride's lovely gown and walking down the aisle with my groom and taking those lovely pictures, flashing my wedding ring.

But that's where the fascination stops for me.

For after all of that, I wonder what would be exactly exciting about living together with my groom everyday, doing the same things, the same chores you did as a single person (apart from Sex, if you abstained), seeing each other looking not-so-good, smelling each other's sour early morning breath. Having to deal with our flaws. (I have learned from living with roommates in the university that the tiniest, not-so-bad flaws in people can become really irritating when you have to deal with them daily).

Another thing is, I love my me-times. Times when I am alone and I can lose myself in a good novel for hours, or think or just press my phone anyhow (hahaha) without feeling like I am neglecting someone else.

I love the fact that I can make decisions for myself about how to spend my money, what to cook, and where to go, etc, without fear of a certain mighty someone's veto power. You know na 😉

My life is less complicated.

And so on and so forth.

Infact, I love my independence. A little too much, I confess.

So again, Deola is still asking, what's the big deal about the M word?

I know people see a married person as someone very important. Sort of an elevation of your status.

You get to have 'legalized' Sex with your spouse, which I understand can be pleasurable. But then I hear of couples who get tired sometimes and beg their spouses to please let them be 'for today'. Chai! I thought Sex was something no one ever got tired of.

Can't someone just have one good thing in this marriage wey no get comma, ehn?

Abeg, can someone tell Deola what the excitement is? She wants to know.










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