MOTHER-IN-LAW AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

Anita leaves her 4months old baby, Dennis, in his cot and goes to the kitchen, puts plates of egusi soup and eba and water on a tray and takes to Mother-in-law, who is in the living room watching TV.

'I hope you enjoy your lunch, mama', she says with a nervous smile and curtseys as she puts the tray on the table.

'Thank you', Mother-in-law murmurs and begins to eat.

Anita walks to the door leading to her bedroom and watches mama nervously from behind the door. She hopes mama will like her food. She tried to cook it the way mama liked it: lumpy egusi with bitter leaf. As Mama swallows the first ball of eba and nods her head, Anita knows she has passed the exam once again and goes into her bedroom.

From the very first day she met Mama, till now, she has felt like a perpetual exam candidate. The tense smile on Mama's face as she said Good morning to her on the morning of her first arrival in her in-laws house as Kenneth's fiance, and Kenneth's too cheerful voice 'suggesting' that she accompany his youngest sister to the kitchen to prepare the evening meal told her mama was not pleased that she sat down while her sister-in-law cooked the previous day.

The look on Mama's face each time she surveyed her son's well scrubbed tiles during her very frequent visits, the friendly smiles she gave Anita, which usually came after Anita cooked a particularly good meal or refused mama's insistent appeals to help her cook and clean so that 'mama can rest' gave her the feeling that she had passed an exam. An exam measuring the sufficiency of her 'wife-material. Those seasonal friendly smiles and cordial manners reminded her of those gifts of pencils and an exercise book her primary school teacher would give to her whenever she excelled in the quiz competition held in her class. Also of those marks teacher would tick close to a sum she had gotten right.

Then when Kenneth junior, her first born was only 6 months old, Vivian, her youngest sister-in-law had come to spend the one month semester holiday in the house. She had insisted that she would cook and clean and help with baby so that 'Sister will rest'. Anita, tired from the sleepless nights of looking after baby, and still trying to do all those chores, gratefully agreed. Just before Vivian had left for school, Mother-in-law visited. That night, as Anita went to urinate and was coming out, she suddenly heard from behind the toilet door, Vivian recounting how she had been overworked. How Sister had left everything for her to do immediately she came. Mother-in-law made soothing noises. Poor overworked child of mine! Anita, shocked and betrayed, woke up very early the next day to sweep the house and do other chores, notwithstanding Vivian's appeals that 'sister should rest'.

During Dennis' church dedication, mama had visited, together with her two sisters'in-law. They were at the dinning table when Nkechi, her married sister-in-law told them of a time when she put too much salt in the soup and how her husband's mother who had visited nagged her for days. And of a time she had overslept, and only woke to find her husband ready to go to work. Mama had laughed and said humans make mistakes. That Nkechi's husband and Mother-in-law had better grow enough understanding to see that. Mama told of some mistakes she had made as a young wife. They all laughed.

As Anita breastfed Kenneth Junior that night, memories of the discussion at the dinning reminded her of a book she had read as a single girl. The author had said a wife should learn to treat her Mother-in-law as her own biological mother. Anita snorted now. Sentimental nonsense! It was impossible. She saw that now. The love between a mother and her biological child was unconditional. Mother didn't need the child to be a genius to love it. The child just needed to be, to exist. Anita hadn't felt that way with mama,who had surprisingly consoled her daughter that humans are not perfect. She knew if she had made those blunders that Nkechi had made, mama would be singing a different tune. So if she didn't feel unconditional acceptance like mama's biological daughter, how could she treat her like her biological mother?

It was why she made sure mama's meals were cooked regularly. It was why she insisted on caring for her baby, Dennis, alone, despite mama's requests to help. Despite the fact that she would have welcomed help. She knew if it were her own mother who had come to do omugwo 3 months ago, she would have gladly left the baby and the kitchen to her care. Because she knew that she wouldn't need to wonder if mommy would turn around and tell people her daughter had overworked her. If mommy called her 'lazy girl', whenever she woke up from a long sleep, it was with an indulgent smile. She wouldn't need to pass any exam because with mommy there was no exam.

As Mother-in-law ate, she sighed. This her son's wife was just impossible. Despite the girl's flaws, she had tried to be nice to her. To accommodate her like any of her daughters but the girl just chose to withdraw herself. Imagine that Anita had refused her offer to help cook and look after the baby. She knew Anita would not have done so if it were her own biological mother in the house. Maybe the girl thought she knew better than her about child care, or about taking care of her son's house.

When Anita came to take away the plates, she said to her, 'So you think you know better than me about taking care of children, cooking and cleaning, that you would rather pay that girl with my son's money to come and cook and clean for you during days you don't feel like cooking?' You think we are unfit to tend your child, Vivian and myself?'

Even as Anita went on her knees immediately, and pleaded that she just wanted mama to enjoy her stay at her son's house and not be too overstressed, she decided in her heart that things would continue to remain as they were. This could be another of mama's tests. And she fully intended to pass it. She had to.